Shrinking Ourselves & Why “I Feel Fat” Misses the Point
Originally published September 2025
We’ve been here before. Thinness is trending, the “fix your body” chatter is louder than ever, and body image talk is everywhere.
But beneath the surface, there’s a bigger conversation to have about how much of our time, energy, and self-worth we’ve been taught to spend on shrinking ourselves.
Think about it: how many hours of your life have you spent wishing you were a different size? How many times have you stood in front of the mirror, picking apart your reflection? How many workouts have you forced yourself through, not because you enjoyed them, but because you felt you “had to”?
Ever envied someone else’s arms, legs, or abs? Skipped out on social plans because you didn’t like how you looked? Counted workout minutes as a penance for a cookie? If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone.
I want you to pause and really think about the mental real estate body image thoughts take up. It’s a lot.
Imagine what you could do with all that time and energy if it weren’t spent criticizing your body. Imagine what you could create, experience, or feel if you weren’t constantly negotiating your worth based on your size.
And that brings me to the phrase I hear over and over again: “I feel fat.”
It’s so common it’s practically a reflex.
But here’s the truth: fat is not a feeling. You don’t feel fat. What you’re feeling is something else entirely.
“Feeling fat” is often a shorthand for “I feel uncomfortable in my skin,” “I feel unworthy,” “I feel lonely,” “I feel anxious,” or “I feel like I need to fix myself to be acceptable.” It’s a narrative we’ve been conditioned to reach for when we’re dissatisfied, stressed, or emotionally overwhelmed. And because it’s vague but powerful, it can overshadow what’s really going on.
Sometimes, “I feel fat” actually means:
I’m having a bad body image day because I’m stressed.
I’m feeling insecure because of a comment someone made.
I’m exhausted, and my brain is taking it out on my body.
I’m lonely or sad, and I don’t know how to express it.
Here’s the tricky part: feelings are fluid. You might “feel fat” in the morning and neutral or confident by the afternoon without anything about your body changing. Which tells us, it was never about your body in the first place.
So what do we do instead? We start noticing. When you catch yourself thinking, I feel fat, pause and ask new questions:
What’s going on for me right now?
Am I tired? Lonely? Overwhelmed? Tired?
What would help me feel better in this moment?
And when you catch those familiar self-critical phrases (“you’re too big for this,” “you’re not good enough for that”), challenge them. They’re not facts, they’re stories you’ve been told or picked up along the way. Stories you’re allowed to rewrite.
You deserve to take up space, to do the thing, to wear the outfit, to show up as yourself…right now, in the body you have.
If we can let go of the self-shaming scripts and retire “I feel fat” from our vocabulary, we don’t just free ourselves from an outdated, harmful way of talking about our bodies; we free up time, energy, and compassion for the things that matter.
So, consider this your homework: start listening to the way you talk to yourself.
Notice how often the body comments pop up. Get curious about what’s underneath them. And when you find it, meet yourself with kindness instead of criticism. And If you need help once you get to the actual feelings, consider reading one of these recommended books about body image or consider bringing this to your next therapy appointment.
Because the truth is, the world doesn’t need you smaller. It needs you as you are.
PS - This is why I created The Essere Method.
The Essere Method is a library of resources and videos explaining exactly how to identify your unique Body Image issues and how to start healing it.
Looking for more individual support? If you’re currently struggling with body image and living in Virginia, book a free call for individual therapy.
If you want to really understand why your body image feels hard for you, and what practical, doable steps you can take right now and over time I can support you with this process through individual therapy. 🍊
New around here? Hi. I’m Maddie, licensed therapist and fellow human.
Through Individual Therapy and my signature Body Image course The Essere Method I help people (like you) release unhelpful narratives from your past, rewire your mindset with self-compassion, acceptance, and understanding, and step into your most authentic self. I’d love to connect more with you. Ready?
